Trying to write science fiction (act 2.)

Tarhan’s great scientists were able to derive a new element, Kemet* (Black Earth), from a very rare stone breed, which allows to generate a huge amount of energy, completely displacing other power sources. The “towers” were created – thin pillars, on the top of which there was a small such stone (the size of the towers was different, depending on the size of the stone at the top). Even the smallest of these stones, the size of a walnut, could have a city for millennia for millennia. Almost immediately, a rise in science and technology occurred – the potential of such stones was, as it seemed, unlimited. But these stones attracted special attention to the military. However, it was too few. In order to find new deposits, a “World Kemeta Organization” (vodk) was created.

VED replaced the usual forms of government of countries, creating a single management apparatus, with a centralized form of government, at the head of which the Federation Council was the head. This went on for quite some time, but everything changed … With one of the excavations, a room was found. It is not known what exactly was inside, but at that hour angry creatures poured from the hole, devouring everything possible in their path. Residents called this disaster “darkness”, because after the raid of these creatures, the sky enveloped the veil, the earth was painted in black and did not bear fruit – there was nothing alive, as if these creatures devoured the very life, carrying only fear and destruction.

The vodc reaction was not long in coming. A counter -measures were taken in relation to the threat – a world army of salvation was created, headed by a young and talented General Holdun (Immortal). Speaking at the front line – the holdun, with his iron hand, led the troops into battle, pushing the flocks of “darkness”, exterminating every creature with particular cruelty. So step by step of the flock of darkness were either exterminated or driven into reservation. However, Holdun was not enough, during the war, showing himself a great commander and the confidence of the soldiers, he sagited his army to raise an uprising against vodk and the Federation Council. The defeat of vodc was only a matter of time. Having lost their army, they had no choice but to surrender their powers. Those who fought with the new world order of the dictator of Holdun were waiting for the fate worse than death – the last campaign (link in the reservation with “darkness”).

But any dictatorship will resist. A lot of groups from terrorist to religious, with all its might trying to undermine the power of the dictator, began to be founded. Among all these groups, one special was distinguished – the order (ancient Egypt). Religious group that revealed some capabilities of Kemet, in addition to ordinary energy. He revealed some of the characteristics of the body, allowing to produce something incredible with his body and mind, but this process was very painful, but if the elected rite was held, he received an incredible force, later called the “gift of the verse”.

Tarkhan 3059

My name is Anum, https://gamblingdata.net/casinos/giant-spins/ and I am a member of the order. My dedication will begin soon ..

The best comments

Tie with this. That is, finish painting the world to readers. It looks and reads an order of magnitude worse than the previous passage. In your description, the world looks template and dull.

There is such a literary technique when the author does not give the reader any idea of the world as a whole. The reader recognizes the world, following the hero. Some important facts about the world are revealed in dialogs. It’s hard for me to describe this. Try to imagine your world as a minicart in the game. It is all covered with fog of war, but that part of it, which is related directly to the hero, is open. This is a primitive graphic description of the narrative.

This approach will allow the reader to come up with a majority of the world for himself and will save you from the need to describe everything and everything. In general, I would advise not to describe the whole world at once.

Conclusion: in your future work of act 2, should not be. It must only exist in your head or on paper.

If the story is not humorous, I recommend to reconsider the name and abbreviation.

I myself understand that a lot of things can and should be changed, and yes vodk is something with something (somewhere there should have been a joke about Yeltsin) … I just fill up for now what has already been written more or less written

Hunt-hoo-ho-ho.
Well, let’s go. For literacy at once 4 out of 5. There are few errors, but they are, including punctuation. But there are no special complaints.
But the plot, as it were, is developing too fast. Motivation of Holdun? Where is she? If this is such a subtle reference to that non-sanning equipment from the last SW, then bravo, if not, then she should draw in the near future. Who is he? Why did he rise against vod (damn it, I laugh from this abbreviation, she is masterpiece), that he was pushed to do so? And yes, how did it even manage to unite all countries under the auspices of one organization? And why so many people agreed to rise against her under the leadership of this general?
The world itself is more or less original and adequate, but there are also a couple of questions. As a dedicated organization of countries could not resist only man with his detachment? Or the vast majority of the soldiers were sent to the fight against “darkness”, entrusting the command only to the holder? That is, there either there was no army at all, or the strength and technology of the Mas at times is many times more dangerous than all existing. And why, in general, the all -devouring “darkness” fell under the onslaught of soldiers, who, judging by the text, were not yet endowed with the super -resistant to the Kemet? Well, this, of course, I understand that many religious cults can be against a particular state system – it all depends on their, EM, fucking – but religious formations, whose goal is the direct overthrow of the dictatorship, are simply impossible phenomenon in the conditions of the just formed totalitarianism.
Perhaps enough.

There is such a topic: buy expensive paper, expensive pen, and write it. It will be a pity to spoil the good with drafts and ill -conceived notes.
In fact, the text. It is very difficult to read complex sentences. About signing the rules of the world – I agree with the message above. However, this is already in taste and color. And the speech is a good and vocabulary that you need!

Kemet, a reference to chemistry, it is to Egypt.

In general, continuous introduction. Scares away a normal reader with 100%. ENT does not need to be a layer of information as in old fantastic films to submit. Only dosed, through dialogs or actions.